LGBTQ+ youth frequently report feeling isolated from traditional support like parents, school, and church. Mentoring programs and other youth organizations have an excellent opportunity to create safe spaces for youth to share their feelings, experiences, and identifies without fear of rejection.

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Youth, particularly LGBT youth, may go through a period where they are uncertain of how to identify and label their sexual/romantic feelings or gender. For a youth who is questioning their sexual or gender identity, mentors can play a critical role in providing safety for the youth. A young person who has a trusting, caring adult to turn to without fear of judgment is less likely to engage in risky behaviors in order to cope with the stress of homophobia and uncertainty. 

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Youth Confidentiality

Mentor programs should always respect and prioritize the confidentiality and rights of the youth. This confidentiality clause should be clearly stated and connected to disclosures like coming out as LGBT. Mentors should not tell a youth's parent that their child is LGBT. That is the responsibility and option of the young person. Instead, the mentor should support their mentee in his or her decision to tell others about his or her sexual or gender identity. If a child comes out to you as the mentor, please contact YAP staff. YAP staff will not share this information with anyone until getting approval from the youth unless the youth is in danger.

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Responding to Disclosure

1. Be supportive. Let your youth know that it is okay.

2. Use the words the youth uses. If they describe themselves as bisexual, don't say they are lesbian.

3. Deal with the youth's feelings first. Oftentimes, young people feel frightened, alone, and guilty. Allow them the time and space to talk about how they are feeing.

4. Ask the youth if they have told anybody else. It is helpful to know if they have others to turn to for support. Offer to support the youth in finding community resources to help them connect with the larger LGBTQ community. This is something CYAP can help you with.

5. It is important to understand the youth is still the same person. Now you just know more about them.

6. Respect the youth's confidentiality and do not share with others unless they tell you it is okay. Please let CYAP staff know if a child comes out to you. CYAP staff will not tell anyone else without talking to the mentee first.

7. Learn about what it means to be LGBTQ+ and the history of the community.

8. Just be yourself. The youth has trusted you enough to  come out to you. You don't need to be an expert on these issues. Just keep being a positive role model by actively listening, asking open ended questions, and affirming the youth is still awesome.

9. Celebrate and congratulate your youth on coming out. This takes a lot of courage!

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Do not...

1. Don't ask questions or make statements that deny or doubt the youth. Do not ask/say: are you sure, it's just a phase, I don't want to hear about it, you need counseling, I'm sorry, etc. ​​

2. Do not ask questions that would have been considered rude/inappropriate prior to the disclosure.

3. Do not criticize.

4. Do not assume they are sexually active.

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