The Importance of Boundaries in Youth Mentoring

Setting boundaries at the beginning of the relationship is a key component to a health relationship. Boundaries are important for all parties involved. Establishing boundaries can reduce the feeling of burnout in mentors and boundaries help youth feel safe and reduce anxiety.

CYAP's Guidelines & Boundaries

At your initial match meeting, all mentors, mentees, and parents review the Mentor Program Guidelines. These guidelines include boundaries to keep all parties safe and comfortable. Please email Melissa for a copy of the program guidelines.

Some boundaries that are NOT flexible include:

No overnight trips (no camping or movie night sleep overs)
No out of state trips
No firearms, ammunition, or weapons should be accessible to your mentee. These items need to be locked up and out of sight. No recreational use of these items are permitted with your mentee.
No use of alcohol or drugs prior to or during time spent with your mentee
Adherence to parent/guardian request as it pertains to using additional child restraints
No physical contact including back rubs, sitting in laps, roughhousing, tickling, etc.
Adult literature, videos, photographs, television stations and movies must be inaccessible to the Mentee. The display or discussion of any materials of an inappropriate sexual nature with the Mentee is prohibited.
Mentors agree to never leave the Mentee unattended or left alone with any other person.
Mentor shall not bring additional parties on match activities during the first 60 days of being matched to ensure time to develop the one-to-one relationship. After that time, it’s advised that additional parties should only accompany the match on occasion and with prior consent of Parent/Guardian.

Creating Healthy Boundaries

Some boundaries are easier to set than others. When setting boundaries, think about these questions:

Is this safe? Is this legal? Is there potential for any type of harm?
Is this within CYAP's guidelines?
Have your mentee's parents told you what they expect and accept? Is that within those guidelines?
Will this help my mentee grow and thrive?
Is this something I am comfortable with? Does this make sense for a mentoring relationship or is this something a parent or other organization should be involved with instead?

If the answer to any of these questions is no, this may be a sign of a potential boundary conflict. In any case, you should weigh the pros and cons and decide potential benefits outweigh the potential negative consequences. If you have any questions or concerns about a boundary, contact CYAP staff to clarify any gray area.

More Boundary Tips

Be firm with your boundaries. At times your mentee will want you to fold, but you should not give in.
You are the adult. If you lead, your mentee will follow.
Children naturally push and test boundaries. Stay strong and clearly re-establish boundaries whenever needed.
Mentors should never give money to a mentee or their parent/guardian. Mentors should also never pay a bill on behalf of a parent.
Setting Boundaries Article